“If everybody married someone from a different race, then in one generation there would be no prejudice.”
This is a quote from the movie Thirteen spoken by the main character, Tracey, after she has had her first sexual experience with an African-American boy. The scene is fictitious- a jumble of subtle lighting, soft music and the vulnerability of a young actress- its sentiments, however, are real.
The way I see it, racism is the product of fear. Fear of what is different, fear of the unknown, fear of equality. If an individual accepts that everyone is equal, that apart from the skin that covers our bones and the features that fill up our faces we are exactly the same, they are accepting the fact that they are not particularly special. What better way is there to eradicate such a problem, than to choose a target group that these individuals may belittle and torture? What better way is there to choose this group, than based purely on the external cover that separates them: their skin?
(Bryan Habana and wife Janine Viljoen receiving a rugby trophy, credit to: zimbio.com)
The “Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act” was repealed in South Africa in 1985. As apartheid only officially ended with the elections of 1994, the law governing such a marriage was social rather than political. People were severely compartmentalized based on their ethnicity and, based on a present day association, one may say that your race was as important as your identification (ID) number. I am the product of an interracial marriage: my mother is white and my father is coloured. For this reason I thought it would be interesting to interview my mother about what it was like to be one half of a couple that was particularly criticized and condemned during the 1980’s (apartheid) and even in the years that followed.
(Matthew Booth and wife Sonia Bonneventia with their son, credit to: stormfront.org)
“My parents didn’t approve,” was the first statement that startled me. My grandparents, being of the adoring/spoiling variety, are in no way racist nor do they condone apartheid. She continued, “My friends were ‘fine’ with it, though I didn’t get invitations to dinner or anything like that anymore.” These instances reveal that even those who did not actively endorse apartheid, were affected by the influence of the ever-present and powerful government. “After we got married we had to buy a house in Woodstock. It was the only place we could live together because we bought a ‘company’ together. The white person had to own 51% of the company. After that we bought a house in the name of the company. This was a loophole often used in the ‘80s.” Thus, during apartheid interracial couples faced extraneous difficulties ranging from where they could live, where they could go out to eat together or even where they could spend the day at the beach together (something they couldn’t do, as beaches were segregated).
Almost twenty years down the line and such laws no longer exist. There are even a few famous South African interracial couples such as rugby star Bryan Habana and his wife Janine Viljoen and the relationship between football player Matthew Booth and his wife Sonia Bonneventia. As the years go by, the number of interracial couples seems to increase, yet this has not happened with ease. A black man and his white girlfriend may be able to attend any restaurant or beach they please, but this is not to say that they won’t get any sideways glances from their fellow South Africans.
To understand the position of the youth on this matter, I asked a few of my fellow university students if they would enter into a relationship with someone of a different race, and why or why not. The majority of them said yes, but I wouldn’t trust this statistic as I believe that many were trying to avoid being judged as racist. What was interesting, however, were the reasons that arose as to why people would not want to be in such a relationship. These reasons included: not being attracted (in any way) to people of certain races; having a personal preference for one’s own race; feeling more comfortable with someone of one’s own race; having more in common with someone of one’s own race and, finally, being culturally obligated to start a relationship with someone of the same culture (and race).
(My parents, Richard and Tania, at the airport in 2012.)
Something else I found out during this questioning came from a young, black girl named *Sindo. She told me that she felt quietly, yet seriously, angry when she saw a black male with a female of a different race. She explained it like this: “It’s not rage; it’s sort of like a weird sadness. Like, I don’t understand. Why be with a white girl when there are so many young, black women looking for a man to appreciate them? It just doesn’t make sense to me.” The intensity of this emotion may find its roots in the biological need to mate and find a life partner. Thus, *Sindo (and women like her) feel threatened if they have grown up to believe that they should marry within their own race. Parents need to rethink such teachings, as they create an identity complex that is not synonymous with the state of modern society, wherein individuals believe (rightfully) that they may venture into the world and connect with whomever they please.
Andeline Williams created a support group for people who struggle in the relationships they have with their in-laws, in response to the difficulty she faced in creating a relationship with her mother-in-law. Her (white) husband’s mother no longer communicates with him as she does not approve of the fact that he married a coloured woman. She says that the best way interracial couples can overcome the challenge they may be posed by their family, is to sit them down and talk to them explicitly about the relationship. She outlines that an individual needs to decide what they want and whether they want to continue the relationship regardless of whether the parents approve or not. It is important for them to make the decision, and then stick to it.
Having an intimate relationship with someone of a different race can open an individual’s world to a brand new culture, mind-set and way of life. There is no better way to submerge oneself in the richness and diversity of life that we have in South Africa, than to open your heart completely to people who are different. Only when more people are able to empathize with these couples and appreciate that the boundaries of skin colour no longer exist, will the stigma attached to interracial romance begin to disappear.
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